El siguiente es el cien por ciento auténtico me.

I am very upset because I feel like my own boyfriend doesn’t want me. I feel like there are more important things and people out there than I am. He tells me all the time he doesn’t care about me or he is done with the relationship… I feel like I beg him to be with me. Its not far to me because he has told me in his past relationships he would beg them to stay. Everytime I make him mad he talks to me like a dog or his child. I have been been with him for almost a year and I’m tired of being treated this way. I don’t know what to do. Please tell me what to do. Whenever I come over to his house no matter how many times we argue or he says he is done with me or even he would rather be single than deal with me and my shit he expects me to come over to his house and fuck him on the spot. I can’t do that everytime I see him especially when things like this happens on a daily basis. He gets mad sometimes when I get tired and fall asleep because I don’t talk to him. I have diabetes. When my sugar gets low or after I eat I’m out like a light. All I want to for him to show me and the world that he loves me and I am not just some toy he can play with and put away when he wants. Whenever a boy asks me what’s wrong on Facebook or just to say hi he writes them like the old him would and shows that boy that I am HIS girl and always will be. Recently he has been getting mad at the dumbest shit. The reason it’s dumb because it may have made him mad but it’s no reason to leave me for. I am the type of girlfriend anyone wants. I am nice pretty sweet fun to be around smart faithful and other things. My boyfriend has the same qualities. So why do we argue so much. He talks to me like I’m a worthless piece of shit. I do the same but I been working on not doing that. He wanted me to call more. If I’m not sleep I’ll call if someone is on the phone then I would write on Facebook. He wanted me to be nicer more loving and more open to different things. I been doing all of that so why doesn’t he see it? Everyone else sees how good I am to him but him. I want to feel loved and appreciated and feel like I’m his equal not his dog child or toy. He didn’t always talk to me this way. This all started when his friends told him to step up and wear the pants in our relationship. I’m not as bossy as he made me seem. I miss the old us and I been trying to fix us but he hasn’t tried. He started trying alittle bit because I’m moving to start school. I been trying to tell him. I stayed this long I’m not going anywhere. That won’t change even if I’m two hours away. I love him just like I did from the start but we can’t go back to the old us unless he tries to change 100% of the time like me. I’m writing this so he can read this and think twice about how he treats me because I’m starting to feel I am worthless and no one will treat me better than him. Don’t get me wrong I don’t want anyone else. I know he can change for the better because I don’t need him being like an asshole when I make him mad because he will get mad at me at some point in our lives it’s not worth us breaking up. This is why I feel he doesn’t want to be with me.

It all started on a rainy day. Saturday, January 7th, 2012 was my father’s 40th birthday. My sister had a game at 10 and my game was at 11. It was the first game since winter break and I was excited to play. All break I had watched pro basketball games and I counted the days until I play again. I pick up my boyfriend and we watched my sister’s game. Then it was my turn to play. Again, I was excited to play I had drunken half of my huge bottle of Gatorade. There was only 5 of us playing. For those of you who don’t know, you need 5 people to play. That means for the next hour+, all of us would have to play from start to finish. When the game starts, I did the jump ball. All I remember is my team got the ball took it to the rim (don’t remember if we made it or not) and then the other team got the ball made a shot and missed it. THAT’S WHEN IT HAPPENED… as I was going for the rebound, my left leg snaps and gives out on me. I fall and as I go down I hear a snap. I don’t know if I broke a bone or if I just popped an air bubble.

Okay fast forward to me being in the ER. My dad HATES hospitals, no one knows if it’s something that happened in his childhood or if he hates the wait. My parents are now separated and living in different apartments. They have been getting along for awhile now. My dad starts to get mad at me for being dramatic and my mom for taking me to the hospital. I am currently uninsured and that means daddy would have to pay out his pocket to pay for my expenses. he disrespects my mom in front of us(me, MY BOYFRIEND and my little sister) the only reason why they didn’t argue is because my mom didn’t want to put more stress on me. On a scale of 1-10 my pain was at a 15 even with 2 Aleve’s liquid gels.

My dad was supposed to leave town with some girl. He left while I was in the ER. He just returned Tuesday because he wanted to watch the Alabama vs. LSU game. I now feel abandoned and that some woman is more important than me. I don’t even live with my mom or my sister and up until today(my mom flew out of town) my mom has been here for me until I was able to walk better. My sister hasn’t left yet. She has been sleeping on air beds and my couch instead of going home.

I can’t help but to feel unloved and abandoned by my dad because of what he did. I don’t think I can forgive him. On top of that, he keeps complaining of all the bills he has to pay. It’s not my fault I’m hurt. If I had it my way, it would have never happened.

I woke up the day after the accident hoping it all was a nightmare. I feel so helpless and useless. I don’t like this feeling. I’m used to doing things on my own. I don’t like depending on others. I may not be able to play basketball for the rest of my life, become a nurse, or even walk the same ever again. I had to take a MRI today and I had the worst experience ever. Long story short, I have to go again once my skin heals for another one because the machine messed up.

I used to be depressed when I was younger and I feel like this whole thing and the problems in my love life and bring me back to square one. I fought so hard not to become that person, but it’s coming too quickly. At this time, I need my boyfriend to be strong for me because I can’t do it anymore. I don’t know where I’m going but, mentally, it’s not in a happy place.

To be continued…

today all me and my boyfriend did was argue over small petty things. to tell you the truth i am plain sick and tired of it. why cant i have the happy go lucky relationships you see in movies like the princess and the frog? dont i deserve that much? now he gets mad at what i post on here knowing whatever i post is the upmost truth and i dont see the need to lie. there are times when im unhappy but those times dont last long. they end for good once we get off the phone and say our i love you’s. sometimes i make the mistake of if im tired i say bye and hang up the phone without doing so. he has always called back saying you forgot to say i love you again. i say sorry and i either say say it or i say it myself. but today is different. i cant go to sleep with a sound mind tonight because he got mad right before he got off the phone and said he will call me back tomorrow. he is a night person if he gets off the phone this early (12:52 am) he isnt sleep. he just didnt want to talk to me anymore. so today i asked him did he forget to say something. he acted like he didnt know what i was talking about and when i finally say you forgot to say i love you are you going to say it he said i dont know. of course i get mad because recently the way he acts and the things he says have no remorse for me and my feelings and i feel as if he no longer loves me. so i ask him maybe 30 times is he going to and i keep getting i dont know. now i am furious because he is proving that he doesnt. i even said i love you first and he didnt say it back. i am honestly going to call it quits because i am getting mind fucked and i dont like that. one of the best things he have in this relationship is the fact that we are inlove. i came to this feeling once or twice in my life but i feel it was it wasnt true until i met him. now my heart is broken into a million pieces because he showing that i am just any girl off the street and dont deserve love. ive said mean and possibly slightly abusive things in my life but i never did this. i love this dude with all my heart and soul and all that jazz but that doesnt mean anything if he wont tell me of all people a simple i love you. i wish i knew how to feel or what to do right now. i dont know what ill do if we ever ended. i am nothing without him. just like what edward told jacob in breaking dawn part one if [he] dies than i must die too. by saying this no delvante= life has no meaning or purpose anymore.

im upset. i guess asking for sweet wallposts on my wall on facebook is asking too much. i always post either a picture or song or sometimes a page long essay on how i feel about you. i noticed that you stopped doing it. i guess you honestly dont care that im unhappy because once i finally break down and tell you that i am you ask if i want to leave and then tell me to shut up. i dont like crying myself to sleep every night. i dont like arguing everyday. i dont know what to do anymore. i dont want to be in this relationship if all we do is yell and argue. but i also know i cant live without you. maybe i dont deserve to be happy. maybe fairy tale endings never happen to me. so im gonna spend the night in the fetal position and crying myself to sleep. good night.

okay. i know its been a year since i have been on tumblr. thats my fault i know. but there hasnt been anything bad happening. since then i found the love of my life. i know i know. how did I find him? actually he found me. he commented on a picture of me and my friend. then i mutual friend told me he wanted to talk to me. i was mean at first but only because i have been through alot and i didnt want to fall for another boy. i had just turned 17 and he was 18 when we met. now he is 19. im still 17. thats not much of a difference in age. my family has met him and they approved him for me. i know in mu heart and soul that Delvante Lemone Thompson is the one for me. he would do anything for me. he treats me like a queen 24/7. on tuesday we will be together for 7 months. and yes i took him to my homecoming!!!!! i never had a date to anything school related. EVER! i prayed long and hard my senior year would be my happiest ever and thanks to my FIANCE it is possible. thats right we gettin married yalll. i dont know when or where but its gonna happen. we may argue sometimes and almost give up but there is always something that keeps us together. he is the first boyfriend i ever had that met so many family members and ALL of them liked him. i cant wait to graduate and marry him. like i said before i dont know when or where but its gonna happen. i decided to post more blogs because its good for me to do. happy sad or mad. im gonna post a picture of him but let me catch one of you hoes tryin to take my man i will fuck you up. im tired of girls tryin to talk to him. okay i know he is sexy but damn he is taken but the best.